Dear Aunt Flo,
Helloooooooo, been a long time since we chatted. I am trying to use that patience I have heard so much about but um, where are you? For how many months when I didn't want you to arrive you would show up on time, sometimes even a day or two early? Now when I need you, you are MIA. That is not very nice AF. I am actually getting a tad pissy about it. See I have all the warning signs that you are coming...I can hear Randy chew all his food, everyone on the road keeps cutting me off or is driving irrationally and the little flask of patience that I keep in my back pocket is pretty much full of sand right now. But still, no ding dong the witch is here.
Hope this letter finds you well. Please RSVP as soon as possible.