The details

I got the call at 6am yesterday that he had passed in his sleep. I knew about an hour before though...I had all these thoughts about Melina and grandmother (who have also passed on) and when the phone rang I just knew.

He is in such a better place now though. 23 years he has been confined to a hospital bed and the past 6 months have been the worst. I have watched his health go up and down, up and down but never get back up. So I knew this was coming but you can only prepare yourself so much. I am happy for him going to a place where he can move freely and not suffer the indignities that his paralysis caused him. I am happy that he has family to meet him on the other side. Still I can't shake the sadness that creeps up on me every few hours and flushes my eyes with tears. I am angry because I just need to be angry right now. I am pissed that within 2 hours of getting that phone call they had all of his things packed into a cardboard box. I am pissed that his POA didn't have his cremation arrangements made in advance. I am pissed that some funeral homes charge up to $1000 more for the excat same service. I am pissed that I don't know what to do with myself. Mostly I am just pissed off, just because I am pissed off.