Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Insanity Begins

Or did it ever end? I can feel the OCD side of me starting to kick in today. It really started with a horrible dream last night. I don't recall the entire dream but the gist of it was I had to die - not sure why but I had 2 choices. Get a giant knife across my throat (like those martial arts sword type knives) or I could take these 5 pills and it would be almost instant. Well I chose the pills of course but then I didn't die. I was all paralyzed and twisted. And I could barely move my mouth to talk but was asking the person why am I not dead yet? And he/she said because you took the easy way out, you have to suffer until the pills really kick in. And I started crying and thinking about missing out on Jessica's life...at which time I woke up bawling my eyes out.

Freaking nice dream. Interpret that as you will it really just freakin sucked.

I am officially obsessing over the next 2 weeks already. I shouldn't be so I've been told. But I can't stop thinking that there will be no good eggs retrieved on Thursday and that there will be no ET on Sunday. I really really want to stay positive but I am neither excited nor distraught. Totally numb. I should be so excited but I'm not. It's an odd feeling and I question whether it's a sixth sense or just my usual insanity.

It's going to be a long haul from here on out......

1 comment:

MammaKoz said...

No real comment on the dream...you're right, that is, uh, kinda twisted. :D

And who told you not to obsess? Sheesh. Who ever tells any woman that is coming up on any kind of TWW in any shape or form that she shouldn't obsess, or worry etc needs to have their heads more closely examined.

All you can do is take it a day at a time (like you didn't already know that) and know that I'm here for you anytime you need me.