:(

My dad passed away last night. Sigh....

Ba-Bye

One more lb gone. 14 to go.

Gawd just ovulate already

Sheesh x 1000000000. I have been due to ovulate for days now. Actually now my ovaries are messing with my June schedule because if I don't ovulate soon, then the whole month will be screwed up. Just pop and egg already so we can get on with the month.

Okay edited to add that I just got a + on my OPK. Not the perfect + but I am going to say it's officially a surge. Woo-friggin-hoo. Now just pop an egg - no need to wait the obligatory 36 hrs either.

Oye

Well Dr. Hudson faxed in all my prescriptions to Mark today. He called while I was at preschool so I just dropped Jess off with Randy and stopped in there before my consult with Sandra's Ink (to get my ankle tattoo fixed - bummer, she cant get it done until August).

Anyhow Mark is on the ball as usual and had the list all printed up. Drum roll please...

Gonal-F 300 pen x 8
HCG 10000 x 1
Menopur 75 unit x 40
Prometrium 100mg x 200
Doxycycline 100mg x 10
Estrace 2mg tab x 40
Cetrotide .25 x 4
Femara 2.5mg x 10

Holy crap that's over $4700 bucks worth of meds . I am absolutely FREAKING out because we owe K&M so much now and I have no idea how we can ever pay it off. I mean we will find a way, maybe when we re-mortgage the house next year, I don't know but we will find a way. And it is all worth it if we end up with a beautiful little baby or two in the end.

Michele called me right as I was at the pharmacy and offered to take Jess to Regina in June so that Randy can stay home and so that we don't need to worry about our schedules. I was shocked as Randy and I have actually discussed this but then said nahh way too much to ask of anyone (especially them, they have done enough KWIM?). Then I chatted with Jess about it and she totally started crying...I wasn't sure what to think. Then we got home, talked it over and she decided yes she wants to go with auntie Michele. So now I have to pretend that I am not sad to have her gone for 4 days. I mean that has never happened before, That umbilical cord is barely hanging by a thread as it is :( I know they will take wonderful care of her and she will be doted on 24/7 but it's me I am feeling sorry for. *sigh* Oh and just picture me all doped up on hormones having to say goodbye at the airport. Ugh not a pretty scene (actually might be best to say goodbye elsewhere rather than the airport...).

Great day in Victoria!

Well yesterdays visit to Victoria was great! I had my first acu with Stephanie - very relaxing. I actually fell asleep while the needles and electrodes were on my back (accompanied with my funky new lines from sleeping on my face mid-day). She wants me to come back twice a week up until I start stims and then I would come at 'least' twice a week, coinciding with my visits to VFC. Next visit she will work on my sinuses as well as my fertility spots and she also said she has some spots for all the emotions (okay so on the original form I filled out, I checked off almost all the emotions that it listed under 'have you experienced in the past 3 months...'). Hey whatever works right? I mean my next cycle will be starting in like 2 weeks. Holy crap batman.

So once done with acu we were off to see Dr Hudson. With a little elevated pitter patter of my heart rate we were off (thank you Stephanie for telling us to just follow Quadra - how convenient!). Amazing how old worries pop up all over again. I keep thinking what if he looks and finds no follies? What if I have cysts that just don't want to leave? We sat for almost 45 minutes while I pretended to be calm and read magazines - not complaining, I don't expect appointments to run on-time there. I mean, most ovaries that I know of don't have clocks so you have to be flexible. We were the last appointment of the day because failed IVF and miscarriages are always last so that he has time to speak to you as well as there are probably a lot of tears shed during some of these appointments.

So once we went in to see him we sat down and he asked how we were doing etc and said he really wanted to do a scan before anything else so off for a date with the DC. So to the exam room. You know the routine.... short on, everything else off, cover with flimsy sheet, giggle with husband because you're nervous...the fun goes on. First he did a quick check of my cervix - said it looks healthy. Then for the funniest IVF moment ever. As he is getting ready to use the ultrasound wand (aka the dildo cam) he is chatting with Randy about the university courses he is taking. Okay understand this is going on simultaneously while prepping the wand. Then he said to me 'are you ready?' (nod) and inserts the u/s and at that moment he says "do you like it?". I almost burst out laughing at that point. I couldn't even look at Randy or I would have cracked. Now folks realize he was asking RANDY if he liked his courses however in some sick, perverted, nervous minds, it sounded like he was talking to me. I didn't think Randy even caught it but when Dr H left the room he just started giggling. He most definitely had caught it.

Anyhow, I digress. The good news - ovaries look fine (about to ovulate), lining is fine (no leftover tissue) and we are all set to go. My body has had an amazing recovery if you ask me. So off we went to discuss our next protocol. He thinks timing wise we should be fine in June. He said we could always freeze sperm if we needed to but that would mean Randy would not be there for ER and I am NOT comfortable with that at all. Again it all depends on this cycle ending ON TIME. Ya I know, who am I kidding? I need to pop an egg by Friday to be on time and so far, no LH surge yet on the OPKs which isn't a good sign. He did say I was about to ovulate but he didn't say how soon. The follies I saw on screen were huge so it's got to be soon (please be soon, please be soon).

And so we begin the next leg of this craziness....

Another one bites the dust

One more lb gone, total 8 lbs lost. 15 to go for healthy bmi.

Feeling green

Yuck I hate being sick. Not that I think anyone likes being sick, I just think I hate it that much more.

Nicole emailed me Friday and told me that little Avril had come down with the flu so be prepared...and I was - I watched Jess like a hawk. Yes well Jess is fine but mama here started getting weird cramps yesterday. Heh, for a moment I actually thought I was ovulating early (couldn't be that lucky). I was fine until dinner time when I really started feeling my 'guts' rocking too and fro. I still ate dinner and being the die-hard vitamin fan that I am, took all my supplements shortly thereafter. Well suffice it to say that this was not the smartest Stina move of the century. I wasn't vomiting but everything else that accompanies a stomach flu was hitting me about every 10 minutes - I will spare y'all the gory details. But alas I did sleep last night. That was until 5:52am. Yes right in the middle of a dream where DR. H was telling me about my new protocol I awoke to those rumblings again. Ran as fast as I could to the bathroom. This is when I started to get dizzy, spiked a massive fever and felt the nausea kick in. I had to yell at Jessica down the hall to go and get daddy because I was sure I was going to pass out. OMG worst hour of sickness I have felt but after that I managed to lie down and start burning off the poison. I slept on and off until 9 and started to recoup from there. Once I took an Imodium I was way better and even managed to eat some toast.

But I am beat - had so much to do this weekend and got hardly anything done. Thank god for my work-a-holic husband as he went out and cleaned all the barns for me and also built the last 2 flower beds that needed to be done. So I dragged my butt outside this afternoon and planted my Mother's Day hostas and watered the rest of the beds. Now I am looking at the floor and trying to psych myself into sweeping and mopping. So far I am failing LOL but if I get another burst of post-flu energy I will get off my butt and clean my house, promise.

-1

down 7 lbs, 16 to go.

Dr. H is back!!

What a nice surprise to see a call from VFC come through tonight. Dr. H is back and pulled my file only to see the craziness that went on while he was gone with my betas and all. Of course they didn't have all the details of my trip to the ER so I filled him in on that hell night as well. He was worried about how I was feeling and I told him that while most women would look at the AF after a miscarriage as sad, I found a whole bunch of positives to dwell on (I was pregnant, IVF did work albeit for only a short time). He asked when I was ready to cycle again and I said RIGHT AWAY! So it looks like my next cycle will go as follows. AF starts (June 4th-ish), CD2 get bloodwork and go to Victoria for an u/s (eww on cd2, gross but I guess he has seen it all, right? ). Cd3 start Femara for 5 (or 6 I can't remember) days and also start stims. No BCP, he wants me to start on my natural cycle. Since I abhor BCP that was probably the best part of my night. Can you believe I am starting again so soon? How freaking exciting! And how nice is my doctor to call me personally when he just got back from vacation?

I am feeling very positive about this next IVF cycle - more positive than I ever felt about #1.

Woot

Scale is down 6 lbs today! 17 lbs to go!

CD1

Nuff said.

and the answer is 4 for ONE Million Dollars

Dale called and my beta is down to 4...I am officially no longer pregnant. I am ecstatic yet at the same time sad as the reality of a miscarriage has finally set in.

Cramps | Spotting | Life Goes On

Yes boys and girls, I awoke not 15 minutes ago and our 'friend' AF is knocking on my door. Just sitting here I can feel some cramps settling in too. Looks like we are back in business. She is even on schedule (today is CD23, I was 'due' for AF tomorrow, on CD 24).

I am so psyched!

FINALLY!

I got up at 3am to feed kittens and decided to test again. It is almost pure white - maybe a hint of a shadow but that could just be the drying line/evap since I didn't look at the test until 6am LOL.

Now I will go get my beta tomorrow...better be >5.

Today's forecast - happy!

Yes I admit it, I am cheerful and happy today. Shocking I know, it's been a long time. I spent the weekend massively cleaning my house. I mean some major cleaning got done (and not completed yet). Went to a BBQ at K&M's last night and just am starting to feel like good ole Stina again. What a relief! Now what I am hoping for is a - low low beta this week and b-PMS. Yes our old friend AF is welcome here any day now. For me that will symbolize the end to this cycle...my angels will be with me but not with me.

I booked my first acupuncture visit today as week. It will be on the 23rd before my appointment with Dr. Hudson. That will be a productive day I hope. I am very excited to see how acupuncture works for me. I also got Randine Lewis' book 'The Infertility Cure' and anotehr book on TTC called 'Inconceivable' today. Excited to dive into both.

So things are looking up. I am going to take advantage of the sunshine and go get my chores done and take Jess on the trampoline.

Beta May 4

45. Bah.

In the words of Alanis

So I was posting to my BG at FF and I realized the irony of the day. 2 more BFP's popped up yesterday (yay!) and one more due today. So as I think about her sitting and waiting for news of her beta I think about me, opposite end of the spectrum, awaiting the news of mine as well. Two women, both praying for the answer they want, from the exact same test albeit praying for completely different results.

Isn't it ironic...

Poor Jess

So I just knew the doctor I brought her to last week was whacked. I took her to see MY doctor today and her left ear is fine but her right ear has "serious otitis media". She goes to an ENT specialist on the 17th (same day as her eye checkup poor kid) but he thinks she needs a tube put in [just before summer and swimming :( ]. He also took a swab and he will call tomorrow with a course of action. I told him the other doctor said use the balloon on a straw and his jaw hit the ground and when I told him he also said put her on pseudoephedrine I thought he was going to pop. She went nuts on it (pretty close to pink elephant crazy) so I took her off after 2 days anyhow but he said stop wasting my money. He is a little concerned she may have some allergies which are extending this cold (please god do not let her be allergic to cats) too.

On a positive note (2 in one week, pick your jaw off the ground) I had my eyes checked today. I get some pretty major headaches after reading so my GP sent me. Had the glaucoma test (how old do I look???) and then those nasty nasty drops that dilate your pupils. Well so far my pupils have not gone back to normal. I am sitting about 3 feet away from the computer right now and can barely squint with sunglasses on. My pupils are so freaking big I look like I'm on crack (well I assume that's what crackhead eyes look like, never been that close LOL). Anyhow I still have 20/20 vision and just spend too much time on the computer (ahem) so I need more breaks during the day.

Oh and lookey lookey, I am not crying today!! Thank goodness it would probably hurt like heck with those drops in there. I have even made a few jokes and had regular conversation with Randy that did not involve 1 - my uterus 2 - my ovaries - 3 my uterus. I am so proud. And I just did an HPT and it is super faint. Woo freakin hoo. I will never be so happy to see ONE line on a pg test as I am praying to see this week. Believe it or not, I am somewhat relieved not to be getting another beta done today. One less thing to worry about - at least for another day.

Ps I have already lost 4 lbs this week but ate McDonald's for lunch today (my 'chauffeur' is a bad influence) so I will bloat for a day or tow. Still the scale is moving in the right direction FINALLY!

Hormones oh my

So I get a call from my local OB's nurse who tells me not to go in until Friday for my next beta. Great more patience needed. For some reason that made me cry, a lot. So finally I call Randy and tell him and he said just call VFC and talk to Dale or anyone who can answer my questions. That also made me cry. Finally I pull myself together and decide I'll call Dale because I need to ask these questions or else lose my freaking mind. I also thought well if I cal this morning I will get her VM so I can leave her a message and she can call back later this afternoon (they are usually in procedures in the am). Well she answered and that also made me cry. Argh! I hate feeling so dang out of control right now. I had to squeak out the last 2 weeks history because she just got back but she was able to answer my questions. Normal to not have another beta run Weds - she said Dr H sometimes will say test every Monday/Wednesday to every Friday etc until it drops below 5. I asked about not having another AF again and she said that it is not all that unusual. She said I will probably see Dr H in a couple weeks anyhow so not to worry unless I have something major come up (referring to the still possible ectopic). She also said call anytime (reading my mind that I always feel like such a pest calling - feel even worse when I am crying).

Oh on a positive note (yes I know those are few and far between lately), I had emailed the acupuncture clinic in Victoria last night. They specialize in infertility and come highly recommended from many online friends and Dr. Hudson. Stephanie emailed me back and gave me their usual protocol for an IVF cycle. I would come 2xx week for 4 weeks prior to ER and then once about 5 days after transfer. $90 for the first consult and then $70 for each acu. If it helps well that would be icing on the proverbial cake. Now I just need to make a consult appointment and get started. Not sure I should even bother until this cycle ends but maybe some acu right now might de-stress me? Oh oh I mentioned stress, here come the tears again.