Tuesday, April 3, 2007

and then there were 2...

4 eggs ended up being mature but only 2 of them fertilized. Trying to stay positive but my hormones are raging today.

Robert didn't say too much. I think he could tell I was crying on my end and really, what can you say? The poor staff there must have the biggest hearts to chose to work in that environment - so much joy but so much heartbreak at the same time. All he said was 4 mature and 2 fertilized. I said oh boy, my numbers are really going down and he said remember, it only takes one to make a baby (which at that moment didn't help but he was being nice). He said he hopes they divide over night and are 2 to 4 cell tomorrow when he calls. I of course concur. No seriously, praying and sending positive thoughts to my kids in Victoria - that's all I can do. Crying and stressing is not going to help with ET or implantation so on the hope we make it to Thursday, I am trying to mellow out a bit (wink wink nudge nudge).

I cried and cried for a while this morning. I mean what are the chances they will both make it to Thursday? I think I am more upset at the thought of not finishing this cycle than I am of getting a BFN. Weird I know.

Then I had a good chat with Michele - thank god for her. She gets me right now..it's the mother in both of us I guess. That really perked me up. I made a decision after that call to pull that law of attraction thing together and start thinking positively. I went online, found pictures of 2, 4 and 8 celled embryos. I started visualizing MY eggs looking like those perfect little embies in the pictures. I also visualized Robert calling me tomorrow saying he had GOOD news. Regardless of whether it makes any difference to my embies, it made a hell of a lot of difference to me. I feel way better just banishing that negativity out of the house today.

Now the question is, can I keep it up through tomorrows embie update.

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