Dr H. replied back and said no, I didn't screw anything up, all is well. Phew! Sometimes I really let worry and stress get the best of me don't I?
I always feel like I shouldn't be asking any questions and like I am a pest when I do. They have told me repeatedly to call or email at any time so I guess I need to get over it. I think I am so used to the 'system' of being rushed in and rushed out that now we are dealing with private health care that it just seems like I am doing something wrong when I need a question answered.
Gawd just reading that I realize how stupid I sound.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Stimming along
First night of stims went fine. Stupid me mixed the full 2ml of diluent in with the Menopur so it stung a little. The Femara gives me a headache for about 2 hours along with raising my core temperature to about that of a volcano. It is short lived though so can't really complain. Whatever works, right? Certainly better than evil Clomid, that's for sure.
Dr. H called me this afternoon. He seemed concerned about me not getting my call on Friday and was double checking on what I took for meds and which lab I got my b/w done at (he didn't get results until late). I didn't ask any questions but I am second guessing myself right now. Was I not supposed to start? I mean my calendar shows that I was but I don't know, I just feel like something isn't right. My E2 maybe wasn't as low as what it was supposed to or ??? He changed my appt to Tuesday - said I needed to be seen within 5 days of stims. He won't be there so I have to see Dr. Spence. You know when you just get that worried and sick feeling in your stomach and can't quite put your finger on why? Well that is how I am feeling about now. I did email him a few questions but if he is going away I probably won't hear back so I will just have to wait until Tuesday for my scan to tell me whether something isn't right or not.
Gave myself my injects tonight. I know Randy likes to do it but he said he doesn't really care, one way or another s I did it. Went really well too. No pain, no stinging (that's what all this padding is good for!).
Busy day tomorrow - barns, house, dance and I need to get some work(business) done ASAP! I spent all day today on the computer. I got a ton of web design stuff updated so at least that is out of the way. Now to work on the WP redesign and my FPG biz for the next few days. All of this should keep my obsessive mind from obsessing, right?
Dr. H called me this afternoon. He seemed concerned about me not getting my call on Friday and was double checking on what I took for meds and which lab I got my b/w done at (he didn't get results until late). I didn't ask any questions but I am second guessing myself right now. Was I not supposed to start? I mean my calendar shows that I was but I don't know, I just feel like something isn't right. My E2 maybe wasn't as low as what it was supposed to or ??? He changed my appt to Tuesday - said I needed to be seen within 5 days of stims. He won't be there so I have to see Dr. Spence. You know when you just get that worried and sick feeling in your stomach and can't quite put your finger on why? Well that is how I am feeling about now. I did email him a few questions but if he is going away I probably won't hear back so I will just have to wait until Tuesday for my scan to tell me whether something isn't right or not.
Gave myself my injects tonight. I know Randy likes to do it but he said he doesn't really care, one way or another s I did it. Went really well too. No pain, no stinging (that's what all this padding is good for!).
Busy day tomorrow - barns, house, dance and I need to get some work(business) done ASAP! I spent all day today on the computer. I got a ton of web design stuff updated so at least that is out of the way. Now to work on the WP redesign and my FPG biz for the next few days. All of this should keep my obsessive mind from obsessing, right?
I hear Whitesnake playing in the background
Here we go again on our own.....those words keep playing in the deepest (scariest) depths of my mind today. Here we are, back on the IVF wagon one more time. How on earth did that happen so fast?
So back-tracking a little. Got my b/w done in Nanaimo yesterday morning. Got there at 15 minutes before the doors opened yet there was still 6 people in front of me. I guess if I had been fasting for 12 hours I would want to be first in line too. Instead I stood there rudely drinking my x-large decaf from Tim's (was that wrong?). Anyhow, left the bldg at 746 and then off to Victoria for acu @ 915. Barely made it on time but I met Caroline and had a good hour of acu. It kind of hurt this time - assumably because she was working on areas directly related to my current cycle. Then Randy and I went across to the mall and browsed the bookstore to waste some time before my next appt. Off to Dr. H and my dreaded Cd2 scan. Everyone seemed happy enough - Robert was friendly as usual and stopped to chat with us. When they called me in I darted off to the bathroom and made sure 'everything' was ready for the scan, went into the room, dis-robed faster than lightening and up on the table flat LOL. In came Dr. H and the new nurse (I think she's new?) and it was fast. 3 antral follicles on each side and one collapsed corpeus luteum. Good to go pending E2 levels. We had to wait while they typed up a protocol for me (had the drusg but no idea and how much or when). Found out I was starting meds right away!!!!! That came as a shocker! It certainly wasn't the most in-depth appointment, kind of felt a bit rushed but I have the info I need so it doesn't matter I guess. I asked Tammi if she would call with my E2 numbers and she said yes, later in the day (normal for us up-island gals).
Well as everyone knows, I sit and practically stare at my phone for hours when waiting for VFC to call. No call. 5pm, 6pm, 7pm rolls by..nothing. Randy and I decided to just go ahead and take the meds but then I started thinking, what if I take them and I wasn't supposed to? At over $450 bucks a day, I was starting to panic at the thought of wasting a days worth of meds. So I called the coordinators after-hours cellphone @ 830 and got Monica. She called Tammi and then called back and said I was good to go. I apologized profusely for bothering her (I hate calling at any time, never mind in the evening) and she said that Tammi did call me earlier and left a VM. Um not to my knowledge and not on my cell or home phone. I checked those over and over last night - not sure what happened there but now I am all stressed about being a PIA again.
My protocol is Letrozole/Femara 5mg/day for 5 days, 300 units of Gonal-F/day and 150 units Menopur/day plus baby aspirin and prenatals. No idea when I start the Cetrotide, it isn't even listed on my sheets they gave me. I found a great article on this protocol here.
Oh and I don't go back until next Thursday - which is after 6 days of stims.
So yes, here we go again..........
So back-tracking a little. Got my b/w done in Nanaimo yesterday morning. Got there at 15 minutes before the doors opened yet there was still 6 people in front of me. I guess if I had been fasting for 12 hours I would want to be first in line too. Instead I stood there rudely drinking my x-large decaf from Tim's (was that wrong?). Anyhow, left the bldg at 746 and then off to Victoria for acu @ 915. Barely made it on time but I met Caroline and had a good hour of acu. It kind of hurt this time - assumably because she was working on areas directly related to my current cycle. Then Randy and I went across to the mall and browsed the bookstore to waste some time before my next appt. Off to Dr. H and my dreaded Cd2 scan. Everyone seemed happy enough - Robert was friendly as usual and stopped to chat with us. When they called me in I darted off to the bathroom and made sure 'everything' was ready for the scan, went into the room, dis-robed faster than lightening and up on the table flat LOL. In came Dr. H and the new nurse (I think she's new?) and it was fast. 3 antral follicles on each side and one collapsed corpeus luteum. Good to go pending E2 levels. We had to wait while they typed up a protocol for me (had the drusg but no idea and how much or when). Found out I was starting meds right away!!!!! That came as a shocker! It certainly wasn't the most in-depth appointment, kind of felt a bit rushed but I have the info I need so it doesn't matter I guess. I asked Tammi if she would call with my E2 numbers and she said yes, later in the day (normal for us up-island gals).
Well as everyone knows, I sit and practically stare at my phone for hours when waiting for VFC to call. No call. 5pm, 6pm, 7pm rolls by..nothing. Randy and I decided to just go ahead and take the meds but then I started thinking, what if I take them and I wasn't supposed to? At over $450 bucks a day, I was starting to panic at the thought of wasting a days worth of meds. So I called the coordinators after-hours cellphone @ 830 and got Monica. She called Tammi and then called back and said I was good to go. I apologized profusely for bothering her (I hate calling at any time, never mind in the evening) and she said that Tammi did call me earlier and left a VM. Um not to my knowledge and not on my cell or home phone. I checked those over and over last night - not sure what happened there but now I am all stressed about being a PIA again.
My protocol is Letrozole/Femara 5mg/day for 5 days, 300 units of Gonal-F/day and 150 units Menopur/day plus baby aspirin and prenatals. No idea when I start the Cetrotide, it isn't even listed on my sheets they gave me. I found a great article on this protocol here.
Oh and I don't go back until next Thursday - which is after 6 days of stims.
So yes, here we go again..........
Thursday, June 7, 2007
AF reads blogs!
She must because the evil witch showed up mid-gymnastics today. All of the sudden PLOOSH and I knew she had found her way back into my life.
Okay wench, now you are here, make it short and be on your way. I don't want to see you for say, oh I don't know, at least 12 months.
Called VFC and spoke to Tammi. She was going to call me today to find out what was happening so I guess I am psychic or something LOL. I said FINALLY Cd1. She said okay, go ahead and start your meds on Cd3 if your E2 levels are low tomorrow. I said no scan? Not because I want one but originally Dr. H said he wanted to see me on Cd2 or Cd3. She said oh well then I will ask him and call you back. I do need a protocol as well LOL. I mean I have my meds but I have no idea when or how much I will be taking. Kind of bizarre to have $4500 worth of meds and I have no idea what I am doing with them...
Edited to add...Tammi called me back and I am to have my E2 checked first thing tomorrow morning, then I will go to get acu @ 915am, then off to see Dr. H @ 1130. Woot, we are starting again. This is lucky #2 :)
Okay wench, now you are here, make it short and be on your way. I don't want to see you for say, oh I don't know, at least 12 months.
Called VFC and spoke to Tammi. She was going to call me today to find out what was happening so I guess I am psychic or something LOL. I said FINALLY Cd1. She said okay, go ahead and start your meds on Cd3 if your E2 levels are low tomorrow. I said no scan? Not because I want one but originally Dr. H said he wanted to see me on Cd2 or Cd3. She said oh well then I will ask him and call you back. I do need a protocol as well LOL. I mean I have my meds but I have no idea when or how much I will be taking. Kind of bizarre to have $4500 worth of meds and I have no idea what I am doing with them...
Edited to add...Tammi called me back and I am to have my E2 checked first thing tomorrow morning, then I will go to get acu @ 915am, then off to see Dr. H @ 1130. Woot, we are starting again. This is lucky #2 :)
Um, where are you?
Dear Aunt Flo,
Helloooooooo, been a long time since we chatted. I am trying to use that patience I have heard so much about but um, where are you? For how many months when I didn't want you to arrive you would show up on time, sometimes even a day or two early? Now when I need you, you are MIA. That is not very nice AF. I am actually getting a tad pissy about it. See I have all the warning signs that you are coming...I can hear Randy chew all his food, everyone on the road keeps cutting me off or is driving irrationally and the little flask of patience that I keep in my back pocket is pretty much full of sand right now. But still, no ding dong the witch is here.
Hope this letter finds you well. Please RSVP as soon as possible.
Helloooooooo, been a long time since we chatted. I am trying to use that patience I have heard so much about but um, where are you? For how many months when I didn't want you to arrive you would show up on time, sometimes even a day or two early? Now when I need you, you are MIA. That is not very nice AF. I am actually getting a tad pissy about it. See I have all the warning signs that you are coming...I can hear Randy chew all his food, everyone on the road keeps cutting me off or is driving irrationally and the little flask of patience that I keep in my back pocket is pretty much full of sand right now. But still, no ding dong the witch is here.
Hope this letter finds you well. Please RSVP as soon as possible.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
I wrote dad's obituary this morning...
In loving memory of Max Albert Joseph Paquin
1939-2007
It is with great sadness that we say goodbye to our beloved father and grandfather, Max Paquin.
Born November 20, 1939 in
Dad, we miss you deeply but are thankful that you no longer must struggle with the confines of a hospital bed and can freely move around once again after so many years of pain and suffering. You have and always will be a great man and we will forever hold your memories close to our hearts.
I Love you forever,
I Like you for always,
As long as I'm living, my Daddy you will be
Friday, June 1, 2007
The details
I got the call at 6am yesterday that he had passed in his sleep. I knew about an hour before though...I had all these thoughts about Melina and grandmother (who have also passed on) and when the phone rang I just knew.
He is in such a better place now though. 23 years he has been confined to a hospital bed and the past 6 months have been the worst. I have watched his health go up and down, up and down but never get back up. So I knew this was coming but you can only prepare yourself so much. I am happy for him going to a place where he can move freely and not suffer the indignities that his paralysis caused him. I am happy that he has family to meet him on the other side. Still I can't shake the sadness that creeps up on me every few hours and flushes my eyes with tears. I am angry because I just need to be angry right now. I am pissed that within 2 hours of getting that phone call they had all of his things packed into a cardboard box. I am pissed that his POA didn't have his cremation arrangements made in advance. I am pissed that some funeral homes charge up to $1000 more for the excat same service. I am pissed that I don't know what to do with myself. Mostly I am just pissed off, just because I am pissed off.
He is in such a better place now though. 23 years he has been confined to a hospital bed and the past 6 months have been the worst. I have watched his health go up and down, up and down but never get back up. So I knew this was coming but you can only prepare yourself so much. I am happy for him going to a place where he can move freely and not suffer the indignities that his paralysis caused him. I am happy that he has family to meet him on the other side. Still I can't shake the sadness that creeps up on me every few hours and flushes my eyes with tears. I am angry because I just need to be angry right now. I am pissed that within 2 hours of getting that phone call they had all of his things packed into a cardboard box. I am pissed that his POA didn't have his cremation arrangements made in advance. I am pissed that some funeral homes charge up to $1000 more for the excat same service. I am pissed that I don't know what to do with myself. Mostly I am just pissed off, just because I am pissed off.
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