Friday, March 23, 2007

I am freaking out

Okay so all through this week I thought I was doing pretty good, what a breeze, nothing like Clomid (evil evil clomid). Then today came, the day of my first bloodwork. Got up and headed downtown to stand in LINE just to get my bloodwork. Yes, a line starts forming at 7:15am - mostly a bunch of grumpy, starving adults who can smell the Tim Hortons half a block away. The joys of fasting before a blood test. I parked out front so that I could wait until I saw people walking in from the other parking lot and then run out in front and be first in line. LOL They were not happy about that. Anyhow, bloodwork done and I grabbed an x-large double cream, double splenda and breaky for the family and headed home.

Okay, in case I haven't mentioned this, I have given up caffeine. Dr H says its bad therefore I cut back. At first I did our morning coffee 50/50. I didn't tell Randy, we loves his morning brew. Then he busted me a while back when he saw me putting the decaf in LOL. Whoops...oh well, it's not good for us, it's certainly not good for fertility and since my ovaries are currently worth about $15 grand I think we need to put a lot of clout into everything our RE says.

Okay so back to that x-large Timmy's coffee. I just didn't even think about getting decaf. So here my poor body hasn't had almost any caffeine in several weeks (down to 1tbsp in the morning pot) and I guzzled the whole thing down. Add to a caffeine buzz the stress of wondering how my first bloodtest is going to go and I am a freaking mess.

For an hour I thought damn, this is a long anxiety attack and then it just got worse and worse. Finally I realized what was happening and I tell you, this lasted like 4 hours. Now I am sick to my stomach and I just want to cry. I am so stressed that my stims aren't working. I have all these horribly negative thoughts in my head and I can't seem to snap out of it. Randy thinks I need to be locked up I'm sure. I probably should be, I feel like a raging loon today.

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