Started BCP

Isn't it weird that I started birth control pills just to get pregnant? It's bizarre to me but doc knows best and I am certainly not going to argue this one. I am only on them for 14 days so not the end of the world anyhow. Just hope they don't make me moody!

Got my protocol

Okay I guess we are committed now eh? Talked to Dale today - she is a IVF coordinator and got my protocol. I had talked to her yesterday but didn't wriote notes good enough.

CD3 (Feb 28) start Marvelon 21 BCP take for 14 days
CD17 - March 14 - last day of BCP
March 17 bloodwork and U/S - moved to March 16th because of the weekend
March 17th - start Suprefact
March 19th - continue Suprefact, start stims (may change but he has me for Gonal-F 300 and Repronex 75)
March 23rd - blood test and u/s

March 25 - 30 - every other day or possible every day monitoring and bloodwork - depends on how I respond. Trigger will be anywhere from March 29 - April 1, ER 36 hours later, ET 3 days after that.

I have a huge amount of bloodwork I have to go and get done - wow! Randy has to have another S/A done, this one being called a sperm functional assessment test - not sure how they differ (I haven't read that far) but I think they do a wash as well to see how the little swimmers do.

Holy crap, this is all happening very fast. I think when I switch my calendar over to March on Thursday the whole reality of all this is going to set in.

OMG, watch what you ask the universe for

So after we had emailed my doctor yesterday I must have checked Randy's email a thousand times. I was getting myself so depressed and just downright blue when I got a call. I about passed out as we really did expect either not to hear or to just receive an email back. I had my home phone fwd'd to my cellphone so when I saw VFC it sent me into serious panic LOL.

Well Dr. H said he completely understands where we are coming from now, we understands our urgency (even though he thinks waiting 3 months wouldn't hurt anything) and if I am sure I am ready, as soon as AF arrives I start BCP on CD3 Originally he said a natural cycle and then he said BCP for 2 weeks. He is mailing everything tomorrow - all my prescriptions, my protocol, lab tests etc.

I am still in total shock. We were just about to leave for Jessica's kindergarten orientation when the phone rang so I had to calm down for a couple hours but now I am sitting here in complete and total shock. Scared and excited - I really didn't see that turn around after my appointment Monday.

What to do, what to do...

Randy and I went back and forth between calling the clinic for another appointment (4 weeks out min) or emailing my doctor since he has specifically responded to emails previously. We went with email. I had Randy write it (with my help) from a different, less emotional perspective and we wanted to let him know he is still the doctor, we are not second-guessing him - we have to read and research to feel confident in our choices.

My ideal situation would be do the recanilization next month and start IVF in April. Why not start in March if we plan on IVF? Well in case I am a poor responder (he thinks I might be) then we could switch mid-cycle to IUI rather than throwing the whole cycle away. I can't do that if I have blocked tubes but I can even if they get one tube opened. I wish I had thought it through more before we'd emailed but regardless, I am glad we finally did it rather than questioning what the heck was the change for. Now we sit and wait and see if we caused ourselves more grief by questioning this again or not. I am hoping for the 'or not' LOL.

Crappy appointment

Tubal recanalization - that's the suggestion.

My doctor has recommended starting with this, then waiting 3 months to see if I conceive on my own. No meds, no IUI, just TTC on our own. I still don't get it - we were all set to start IVF and now I feel like we have taken 10 steps backwards.

I am so depressed...

Calmer today

Yes I have calmed down now that I have been able to research my options. There is a chance that the HSG was a false positive. Dr. H contacted me and said that even if they are blocked we can move to IVF although we would want to start that soon due to my test results. I am assuming he is talking about my thyroid but the 19th will be a big day to find out everything. He hasn't even seen the test results yet so I guess I need to find some patience for the next week.

Oh I started my synthroid today. Let's hope I start to see improvements right away!

Bloodtests and my HSG

Well I got my CD3 test results. Here is what my doctor said:

FSH 8.8
E2 156
The FSH is high normal ( but still in the normal range)
Prolactin 7.4
Your TSH is high (6.8) – indicating that you have mild hypothyroidism. You will need to take some thyroid hormone.

As we were driving to Victoria I realized that the thyroid issues may be causing premature ovarian failure. The emotions hit me like a ton of bricks and I just started bawling. Poor Randy...he thought I was losing it which I was for a while there. Mental note, put a box of tissues in the truck before you leave the house again Stina.

We arrived bright and early for the HSG. Checked in, changed got on table. Speculum in, dye injected, nice uterus but where are the tubes? BLOCKED! WTH? They aren't supposed to be blocked, this was just a formality to start on stronger meds. BLOCKED?

Needless to say, the car ride home wasn't pleasant as I lost it, crying and lamenting over never being able to have a baby again. I love my Jesse, and thank god she is the light at the end of every day. I just love my family so much and wanted to have another little Jesse with my husband :(

I am so sad...

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The Secret

Anyone else seen this video? It sure is playing on my mind lately. It follows the theory or Law of Attraction. Makes a lot of sense too. Surprisingly I have a hard time with the visualization aspect of it. I am also queen of negativity - ask Randy, always Miss worse-case-scenario. I have 36 years of this mentality under my belt, it's not going to be easy to change but I am certainly going to give it my all. I believe we can have a great life if we start applying some of these principles so it's time to start working on positive affirmations and bringing a more positive atmosphere into my world.

Well off to an NPPP meeting...hoping it's not a yawner like last month.

Catching up in 2007

Gosh it's been a while since I have posted. I really need to get my thoughts down so I am going to start journaling and see how long I can follow through for.

January 31st we had our first fertility appointment and I love my new doctor. He is very warm and inviting but also doesn't beat around the bush. Right off the bat we found out that my blood tests from back in October were 'off'. My doctor said they were just fine but I guess that's why we have specialists in any given field right? My FSH was 9.5 and my estradoil was 100. In researching those number the FSH appears just fine BUT estradoil can sometimes mask a high FSH level so I'm not so sure. My doctor happens to respond to emails so when I asked him he said that it's those 2 elevated numbers combined with my shorter cycles that really point to a reduced ovarian reserve (aka I don't have many eggies left and what I do have may not be that great). He did an ultrasound and found 3 antral follicles on the left and 4 on the right. I have no idea if that's a good or bad thing at that particular time in my cycle though. He suggested we start of with fertility meds, perhaps Femara, perhaps Femara combined with injectibles or perhaps just the injectibles. First off, I needed Cd3 blood work which was done on February 5th and an HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) which will be done on the 9th (not looking forward to that). Then we meet with Dr. H again on the 19th to go over all of the new test results and set up a protocol for the months ahead.

I should mention Randy had his S/A done earlier in January and his numbers were awesome - the issues we are having are 100% my issues not his.

This morning I am feeling very anxious about it all. I realized looking back that my October tests were done at Cd2 which means they are actually higher than what they should have been back then...now I wonder how bad they are now. I had a dream/nightmare that Dr. H called and said my FSH level was 16 and my estradoil was 112. Those numbers would kill any chances of having a baby so even though it was just a dream, I am feeling down today.